Gym Bae

Hey niece, hey nephew!

If you’ve been friends with me on Facebook for a while then you’ve probably heard this or read it already. This story is an OG. It’s one of the stories that started it all and not everyone has been around long enough for it. How could I not run this back for the one time?

-So, this is the time I thought I met the man I’m going to marry and made the biggest idiot out of myself.

I’m going to get my nails done right. Which happens to be right next to Planet Fitness btw. Keep that in mind. I saw him as I walking into the nail shop from across the parking lot. He was heading into the gym. I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by so I started to follow him across the parking lot.

Let me paint this picture for you really quick though, I just washed and dried my hair earlier and I’m rocking two twists parted down the middle of my head. Exposing all sorts of this 5 head I have. Wearing some Nike slides and 3 different colored socks. My sweatpants are about a size and a half too big and I’ve got on a ugly sweater.

K. So not my best look, I know I know. But again I’m thinking it’s now or never girl. Go for it. Head held high, knees apart and STRUT. I think that I’m confidently walking briskly over to him but in actuality in doing this strange looking gallop.

So he sees me looking all sorts of foolish and proceeds to look away. So I’m thinking “no! No! Look at me!!” He doesn’t. Now I’m faced with a decision. Either go into the Planet Fitness and ditch the nail shop or let him possibly get away. You know what I did.

I walk in behind him and trip over my slides. He was holding the door for me and looks me up & down as I’m sprawled out on the ground of this Planet Fitness mat. Embarrassed as all hell he asks “Are you good?” And the only thing I can think to say to him is “This happens all the time” He’s looking at me retarded like what’s wrong with this chick.

Then he helps me up & I’m swooning y’all. So he starts straightening up to walk away and I’m thinking “don’t let him get away!” So I say in the most awkward way possible “Sooo you come here a lot?” That sealed the deal for me. I’m convinced he thinks I’m an idiot now.

He starts laughing and I see two rows of the most gorgeous teeth ever. So now I’m shook. He shakes his head at me laughing and says “No not really” I realized he was joking with me so I’m like “oooo this is a good sign!” Then he’s like “yeah I’m here almost everyday what about you?” I say “I’m about to start!” (*cringe*)

I instantly realized that I sounded crazy so I just put my head down he starts laughing at me again and says “well I hope to see you around.”

I’m BIG cheesing now. And I said “Yes!” Long story short I was now a Planet Fitness Gym Member.

The next incident:

So there I was that morning at the PRT doing Corpsman coverage. (For you non-Navy people, I was being the medical safety person for our, twice a year, physical fitness test!) Ok boom! We got done early. So who did you think was going back to work? Not I, that’s who. Side note: I had been working out at the time. Feeling great! Lookin great! Etc etc.Back to the story.

Buuuut because I slept in that morning and skipped the gym I was like sis, you know damn well you need to be in somebody’s gym. So I was about to start working out at the gym I found myself in for the PRT. But then I’m sure it was nothing but GAWD who whispered into my ear “No! Take your ass to Planet Fitness.” So you know what I did. I took my behind over to Planet Fitness.

I walk in and I’m getting to it. All business. Handling these weights. And guess who sneaks up behind me? None other than Gym Bae. Mind you I had headphones on so I didn’t hear him walk up and he touches my shoulder.

Believe me when I say I dropped the damn weight on my foot and yelped in true mid-western fashion “OOP!” I turn around mad asf like “who the hell is this?” I saw his face and instantly melted y’all. Forget the fact that my toe hurts. (It was only a 5lb so it’s not like it really hurt, but I’m dramatic) I start SWOONING YALL, he smiles with all them teeth of his and I’m like who cares about a foot? What do I need to walk for? He can carry me ;)

Then suddenly, I’m faced with a decision. I could a.) cuss him out about my foot and hope he still asks me out or b.) pretend like it isn’t hurting and make conversation. Y’all know I chose option B. So we chat for a second and he asked me “how have you been , I haven’t seen you in a while?” I don’t think this man understood the stress I felt because I legitimately just said “My foot hurts” now in my head I’m watching this happen and all I could think was “how stupid can you possibly be!!!” I recovered from it though. I said “I mean yes, I know...it’s been a while, but I’m here now!” I think he either forgot how awkward I am orrrrrr he just thinks that I’m not right in the head.

So he laughs and says “well it was good seeing you!”

I’m faced with another decision. Do I let him go or do I ask him to go out with me? You know what I did. I let him go. The words couldn’t come out. Long story short I left the gym that day and my toe hurt.

The final installment:

Well I had been going to the gym for like a month now, and still hadn’t seen him. At that point I was getting discouraged. I’m like legit upset. I been coming to this stupid gym, for like 2 months now, and I’m just over it. But one day. One fateful day. God saw fit to smile down on my lil self. GYM BAE WAS BACK!!!

I was so excited. I walked in and played like I didn’t see him. Ya know…..playin cool. I saw him from the corner of my eye looking all good. Sweating. Sparkling. Glistening. Woo! So I go over to my lil bench, and I’m sitting here with these 20lb dumbbells. Trying to do my best to look strong, and curl them. Knowing DAMN WELL, I could barely pick up the 10lbs just last week. Looking back on it, I can’t believe myself lol.

So I hype myself up. Full on Issa Rae “mirror talk” hype up! It was just so nerve wracking, ya know? I AM SHY!

-ME TO ME: You got it. Its fine. Just walk over there. You are smart. You are cute. You are funny. He should be so lucky.

-Me: Yeahhhhh! I am smart. I am cute. I am funny. HE SHOULD BE LUCKY…..tuh!

-Me: Alright lets go.

I walk over to him and smile and he gives me that toothy, pearly grin. “Well hello stranger!” Once again, I’m just falling over myself with nerves. Thank God I was in the gym. Sweating was appropriate here. Cause babbbbbby, my armpits could’ve probably filled a water bottle for how sweaty and nervous I was. “I haven’t seen you in forever, you sir are the stranger.”

He laughs. “Yeah, I’ve been busy but I’m getting back to it.” Ok, I think to myself. “Well its about time!” If I could’ve melted into the floor I would’ve. Cause honestly, did he even know how many days I’d been in this stupid gym looking for him?! The nerve.

Anyways, he looked at me. Just looked. I didn’t even know what to do with that look, so I just stared at him. It was a creepy, blank stare too. Ugh, so embarrassing.

So I had to think quick. And I blurted out “Well, I’m actually just about done here!” He looks at me like good for you sis. And again I could’ve died. So he says “nice, well I still have a few more sets to do.” So I start to walk away. Cause I’m over it. I’m mentally giving him all the signals to ask me out. And he isn’t picking it up.

I took matters into my own hands. Like the true retard I am, I said “I eat.”

-stare

-blank stare

“Most people do” he says.

Me: “Well, I eat. And I figure if you eat, we can eat together if you aren’t busy. Like at the same time though. Like you and me, can eat together. If you eat. Cause I do”

Yall the man literally started laughing at me. LAUGHING. Full on grabbing his sides laughing. I instantly caught an attitude cause first of all who did he even think he was?!?! I paid $30 to sign up for this stupid membership and I been coming here damn near everyday, just to get hot and sweaty when I could be at the house SLEEP. I literally injured myself!! And I finally ask him out and he’s got the audacity to laugh!?!! Stick a fork in me, I was done.

So I’m standing there arms crossed, eyes rolling. “What!?!”

He says, “I would love to eat at the same time with you but, I have to be honest.” So now I’m mentally preparing for the excuses and planning my escape. I tried to beat him to the punch. Boy, oh boy.

“Lemme guess? Girlfriend?”

Gym Bae: -No

“Wife?”

GB: - Nope

“Okay crazy baby mama?” Cause thats gotta be it right?? Wtf else could it be?

GB: - *laughs Not even.

***confusion*** “Then what?” (Looking back , that was so arrogant of me. It didn’t occur that maybe he just didn’t wanna date and thats ok!”)

GB:- You are barking up the wrong tree honey. Boyfriend.

*stare

*STARE

*STAREEEEEEE

GAY! HE WAS GAY YALL!!!

I’m sitting here like wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww! You knew I liked you, I know you did. You flirted with me? Didn’t he? Did I misinterpret? Was I missing the signs? Oh wow. Just wow.

So I politely said “well in that case, you have a good life!” He smiled at me sympathetically and I gathered up what was left of my little pride and said “I’ll see you around.” He said “for sure!” In that moment I knew that I in fact, was NOT going to see him around. I was never coming back here again. You couldn’t pay me enough! Funny enough, I did go back to that Planet Fitness a few times, and thank the LORD I didn’t run into him again.

I walked out that Planet Fitness that day and laughed my little ass off. Just legit laughed. I couldn’t do anything but just laugh. My life is a mess!

So there we go yall. The full Gym Bae story! Has anything like this ever happened to you before? Please let me know in the comments!! I would love to interact with yall. Thank you for reading! Thank you for the support! See y’all soon :)

Here’s $5 niece/nephew

-Rich Auntie Rae